{"id":1633,"date":"2024-02-29T13:04:38","date_gmt":"2024-02-29T19:04:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stotlerhayes.com\/?p=1633"},"modified":"2024-04-15T13:19:04","modified_gmt":"2024-04-15T18:19:04","slug":"balancing-lawyering-and-caregiving-in-the-sandwich-generation-a-womans-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stotlerhayes.com\/balancing-lawyering-and-caregiving-in-the-sandwich-generation-a-womans-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"Balancing Lawyering and Caregiving in the Sandwich Generation: A Woman\u2019s Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Alzheimer\u2019s. April 2023 (I\u2019d dig out the exact date, but that would take even more time away from caretaking and lawyering). \u00a0That\u2019s when my 76-year-old mother, my only remaining parent, who had been living alone 163 miles away from me for the past 10 years, became part of the estimated 6.7 million<\/em>\u00a0Americans living with Alzheimer\u2019s in 2023.\u00a0See Centers of Disease Control, Alzheimer\u2019s Disease and Healthy Aging,\u00a0<\/em>available\u00a0here<\/a>\u00a0(last visited February 28, 2024).<\/p>\n

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As women, we often find ourselves navigating multiple roles and responsibilities. We are mothers, romantic partners, daughters, sisters, and professionals. But what happens when we need to be all of these things at the same time? \u00a0This is true for many women in the sandwich generation, who must care for aging parents and raise children while wanting to promote and excel in their careers but also operating under the constraints of centuries of social norms regarding the role of women in society.<\/p>\n

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For me, the Fall of 2022 through the end of 2023 was an absolute whirlwind of realizing how badly mom\u2019s memory had begun to fail; primary care; CT Scan, MRI, and neurologist final diagnosis appointments; ensuring her graceful retirement from her more-than 50-year career in education; packing up\/downsizing and moving her to an Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Memory Care progressive community in my city; preparing and selling the only house she\u2019d lived in for 47 years; and learning about and addressing the multiple infections she had at the time of the move that were the result of her memory loss and further negatively affecting her cognition and demeanor.<\/p>\n

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2023, the same year my daughter was graduating high school and completing her college search and applications; we needed to solidify college funding; we moved her into college (very thankfully, less than two hours away); and she, like many adolescent-brained individuals, experienced a less-than-stellar first semester. \u00a0The same year, my son, who suffers from Angelman Syndrome (Deletion Positive Variation) and who chronologically turned 12 in December 2023, but who has an approximately 15-month-old cognition and is nonverbal, has limited independent mobility, has an attendant seizure disorder, and requires full assistance with all Activities of Daily Living, was preparing to transition from elementary school to middle school.<\/p>\n

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As a lawyer \u2013 especially a female lawyer \u2013 in the sandwich generation, I have experienced firsthand the challenges of balancing lawyering and caregiving. \u00a0There are, however, ways to best manage it.<\/p>\n

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First, it\u2019s essential to prioritize your responsibilities. \u00a0Determine what tasks are urgent and what can wait. Only some emails truly require an immediate response. Don\u2019t be afraid to ask for help from family or friends or to hire a caregiver for your loved one. \u00a0It\u2019s okay to delegate tasks and rely on others when needed.<\/p>\n

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Second, set boundaries and be present in the moment, which is much easier said than done and is the subject of numerous mental health articles and books. \u00a0When you\u2019re at work, focus on work. When you\u2019re with your loved one, be fully present and engaged. \u00a0Avoid multitasking as much as possible, which often leads to mistakes and causes undue excess stress.<\/p>\n

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Third, harness technology. \u00a0I am very grateful to work for a Firm that has been remote since its inception more than 11 years ago and since I joined the Firm in December 2014. \u00a0Technological tools such as virtual meeting platforms, cloud-based document management systems, and mobile applications for legal research and case management allow for greater flexibility in managing professional obligations remotely, especially in urgent times of caregiving obligations. \u00a0My Firm\u2019s robust annual technology reimbursement enabled me to buy the largest cellular telephone of my choice to make reading and writing emails on the go easier when needed.<\/p>\n

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Fourth, use your lawyering skills and knowledge to protect and advocate for your loved ones in your caretaking role. \u00a0The knowledge and skills I\u2019ve gained working in the healthcare industry have been immeasurably helpful in navigating the increased needs and issues and advocating for my mother and son. \u00a0The general reasoning skills I gained as a lawyer also helped me to help my budding adult daughter navigate her newly independent world of attending college away from home.<\/p>\n

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Fifth, and perhaps most importantly, take care of yourself and accept grace. As a Partner at the Firm who was historically a top biller, 2023 was a new and\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0uncomfortable experience for me, falling to the bottom quarter of the billing ranking. \u00a0With all the above-noted personal obligations, I was barely able to bill above our Firm\u2019s exceptionally reasonable yearly 1620-hour requirement when I had billed more than 1900 hours in multiple prior years. \u00a0Make time for self-care activities such as exercise, reading, or hobbies \u2013 in full disclosure, none of which I do. But I have and continue to do multiple weekly counseling sessions \u2013 personal, with my daughter, and with my husband. \u00a0It is undoubtedly essential to prioritize our mental and physical health to give our best to those around us.<\/p>\n

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Being a female lawyer in the sandwich generation is challenging, to say the least, but it\u2019s also rewarding. \u00a0It allows us to use our skills and knowledge to protect and advocate for our loved ones. By prioritizing, setting boundaries, harnessing technology, and taking care of\/showing grace to ourselves, we can learn from this indisputably challenging stage of life so that we can continue to thrive in our careers and caregiving roles.<\/p>\n

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Author: Jessica Bulos, SHG Partner<\/p>\n

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Alzheimer\u2019s. April 2023 (I\u2019d dig out the exact date, but that would take even more time away from caretaking and lawyering). \u00a0That\u2019s when my 76-year-old mother, my only remaining parent, who had been living alone 163 miles away from me for the past 10 years, became part of the estimated 6.7 million\u00a0Americans living with Alzheimer\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1641,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"hide_page_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1633","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sandwich-generation"],"yoast_head":"\nBalancing Lawyering and Caregiving in the Sandwich Generation: A Woman\u2019s Perspective - Stotler Hayes Group<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/stotlerhayes.com\/balancing-lawyering-and-caregiving-in-the-sandwich-generation-a-womans-perspective\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Balancing Lawyering and Caregiving in the Sandwich Generation: A Woman\u2019s Perspective - Stotler Hayes Group\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Alzheimer\u2019s. 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